hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
