woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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