A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
