I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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