TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
