ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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