Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
