How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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