End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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