i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
