we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize