Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
