you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
