yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize