He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, beer. Big fan.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize