my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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