fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
