Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
