I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Vodka?
Forever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
