9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
