dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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