I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
