Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize