Soap is not a condiment
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
