i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
