After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
