Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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