WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
