Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
