Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
