my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
