i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
