It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
