Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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