i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize