I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize