So drunk its hurt
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
