remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
