Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
