wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
