awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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