I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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