If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
