the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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