I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
third nipple confirmed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
