I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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