Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
