her vagine was all disorganized.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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