My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
