Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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