Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
