Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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