she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
