What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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