you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
