There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize