The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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