shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize