Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
