I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
