you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
