whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
