yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
