well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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