My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
