I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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